U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
