Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."