; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
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why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.