I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.