he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
