It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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