I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
