if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is exhausting
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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