fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's like iHOP with fire
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
