we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
