I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she told me i tasted like america
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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