just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
