Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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