At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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