How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
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There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo