p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.