Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
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we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.