from now on my penis is your penis
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar