Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.