I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
