Only a mothe r could love this liver
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
