Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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