somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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