It's just like the Real World with babies
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm bleeding and have questions
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
