Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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