I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
