She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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