i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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