Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
