So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
