We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i will never coherently bang her
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
