tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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