I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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