apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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