i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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