ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams