You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.