eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
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Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.