i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.