He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home