Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
