??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize