I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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