Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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