I think I died a long time ago.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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