ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties