So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.