I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.