Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style