I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.