the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard