Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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