I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
