Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
