I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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