I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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