Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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