I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
