We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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