I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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