my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
