I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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