she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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