people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.