Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.