First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.