Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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